


Fear Facing and Humiliation

by VK90966



Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Anal Sex, Anxiety Attacks, Blood and Gore, Crossdressing, Drugs, Eating Disorders, Exhibitionism, Food Sex, Force-Feeding, Gay, Heavy Angst, Humiliation, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Porn, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Sex Toys, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-13
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-10-27 15:43:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17769599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VK90966/pseuds/VK90966
Summary: When the members of Dir en grey wake up in a small box-like room, they can't help but be terrified and confused. However, it's difficult to plot to find a way out when they can't look away from forcefully having to face every fear they've ever had.





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Be sure to look at the tags before reading because there is some graphic scenes. Especially in this chapter. I will try to update as much as possible, but it takes me a very long time to even write something as short as this. Thank you for checking out my writing.

Toshiya’s eyes slowly eased open. The first thing that he noticed was the searing headache that was pounding at his temples. The second was the tight press of metal against his wrists and ankles. The concrete floor beneath him felt cold and hard, and when he tried moving there was a dull soreness in his muscles. Once the fog in his vision had cleared enough, he lifted his head, causing a series of the type of popping noises that your neck makes when it hasn’t been moved in a while. His eyes took in the little square room, distinguishing all the details of his four band members and closest friends. They were all slumped over in uncomfortable-looking positions with the same metal cuffs and chains attached to their wrists and ankles that Toshiya himself adorned. Once he had surveyed all he could, his eyes stopped on Die, whom was the closest to him. He reached out to try and nudge Die from his drug-induced state of unconsciousness, but was mortified to find out that his chains were only a couple inches long, and he would have to practically pull his own shoulder out of socket to even get close enough to his comatose friend. The sheer helplessness of the situation sent a wave of panic through him, causing him to struggle against his restraints. His biceps flexed and unflexed as he tried pulling with everything he had, but he just ended up more frustrated and tired. “Daisuke.” He tried, his voice barely pushing out any noise from the lack of use.

“Die. Wake up, please just wake up.” Toshiya tried again. This time his voice was louder, but it was possible to hear the emotion start to set in. Now he was scared, but most of all confused.

The thing about Toshiya was that he had always had somewhat of a mild mental disorder. His brain was slower to learn and comprehend things, and sometimes that just made everything harder. Anything could throw him off edge like this, and it could be really hard to handle if you were the one trying to get him to calm down. The tears were falling down quicker then they should be able to be produced, and the black haired male’s breathing was very uneven. However, apparently all the noises Toshiya was making were just enough to wake the redhead next to him. 

“Toshi? Where are we?” Die asked cautiously and groggily, eyes doing the same once over that Toshiya’s did. 

The black haired male sniffled before replying with: “I don’t know.”

Die gave Toshiya a sympathetic look. The redhead was scared too but he was able to contain his unease more than poor, vulnerable Tohsiya was. “Listen Toshiya, you have to keep it together. Freaking out is going to make whatever this situation much harder.”

The bassist looked at Die, his tear streaked face bobbing up and down to show him that he understood. The redhead was about to try assessing how strong the metal chains were, but stopped when he heard a shuffling noise in front of him. His eyes shot open, immediate panic seeping into his dark orbs. That was until he saw that it was just Kyo waking up, and not some demon coming in to kill them all or something worse. Though the idea of how their short singer was going to react was almost a scarier thought than a real demon.

Kyo’s eye’s moved from wall to wall, ceiling to floor. Then came the awful rattling noise of the chains moving across the concrete. The singer’s eyes turned stone cold when he noticed his binds. Those were something that Die thought would make Kyo flip his shit when he noticed them, but instead he just dropped his gaze to the floor and kept it there. Toshiya and Die shared a look, but before they could say or whisper anything there was a sudden breeze that caught all three gazes of the conscious mens’ eyes. Then there was the sound of heavy-soled boots walking on dusty concrete. Toshiya felt more tears coming to his eyes, and had to suppress a whimper. Die gave him a look that reminded him of what he had said previously about keeping it together. A high-pitched noise caught all of their attention and the door slowly opened to reveal a normal looking man. His hair was black and came down to his waist. He had a stern look on his face, but before that could be intimidating enough the man smiled. Not a nice smile, but a sadistic, bitter smile that could only mean so much. Kyo looked as if he was about to jump up and throttle the man but his bindings wouldn’t allow that, and he knew it. “What do you want from us?” Kyo asked, his tone of voice dangerous and his eyes shining with anticipation for an answer.

To the short blonde’s dismay the man completely ignored him and walked straight over to Kaoru who was slumped over across from Toshiya, Die, and Shinya and was seated next to Kyo. The man’s boot-clad foot was coming awfully close to Kaoru’s hand which was laid out on the floor, and Die squirmed nervously. Kaoru was Die’s boyfriend, and the redhead would do anything to protect him, even if that meant putting himself in danger. However, Die didn’t say anything because he didn’t want that to be the cause of the man hurting his boyfriend. Although, he very much wished he could have done something when he heard the sickening crunch of bones breaking and the loud choked-up scream that followed. The guilt that flowed through him after that was horrible, and only thought in his mind was to make the man pay for hurting his baby when he was in such a helpless state and unable to fight back. “Kaoru!” Die shrieked, his muscles clenching and unclenching as he fought against the chains holding him in place. 

This got him absolutely nowhere, but instead made him feel even more hopeless then he did before. It was an awful feeling, and he was close to completely losing it if it wasn’t for the look Kaoru gave him. It was obvious that the short male was in a serious amount of pain (his poor hand already swelling and turning a sick purple color), and was scared just like the rest of them, but he gave Die a look that said ‘Shut up or you’ll end up in the same position as me or worse’. That certainly stopped the redhead from drawing anymore attention to himself. In fact, it stopped anyone from doing anything except for the man who continued walking around until he stopped in front of Shinya. All of their eyes went wide, hoping and praying that the man would just leave the fragile blonde alone. 

Instead of giving them their one wish and leaving him alone, the man crouched down and started unlocking the cuffs around Shinya’s wrists and ankles with a brass key. This was very shocking, but at the same time it was concerning to think of reasons why the man was freeing the blonde. A second later and Shinya was being haphazardly thrown over the man’s shoulder. The four band member’s breath froze when this happened. The man looked as if he was heading over to the exit, and that definitely wouldn’t be good. In no way did they want this horrible person taking the most defenseless of them off to who knows where, and doing who knows what to him. Kyo tried kicking the man’s legs as he was walking by, but the attempt was almost comical because of how short his legs were and how far away he was from hitting his target. 

Luckily for Kyo and the rest of them, the man didn’t take Shinya out the door but instead dumped the sedated blond onto the ground in the center of the little square room. Sadly enough none of them could reach him, or even get close to for that matter. The sound of something big being dragged across the floor was the next sound that was heard. It made Toshiya twitch and Die squint his eyes to try and see what the man was doing in the back of the room. Kaoru, however, was sagged against the wall behind him, his damaged hand beside him unmoved from the bloodied ground, and his eyes unfocused. The sound of rushing water filling the room and creating a white noise that was soothing compared to the commotions heard pior. When the white sound came to a halt, the room felt stuffy, like it had all the oxygen sucked out of it. Kyo shifted uncomfortably, the hard concrete getting more and more intolerable as he sat there. 

It was the cold rush of wetness that pulled every single one of them out of their inside thoughts, even Shinya. This revealed what all the clamoring was at the end of the room. A thick, black, shiny hose with a metal rim at the top was pointed toward the middle of the room only, but ended up soaking everyone else too with little droplets of water. Now not only were they all cramped from sitting in the same position for who knows how long, but they were all wet and cold to add to that. The most miserable looking one was Shinya. The thin blonde sat up, his hair sticking to his face in a messy way, and his clothes clinging to every piece of skin that it came in contact with. His entire body shook with the shiver that went through him and his eyes held a panicky look in them. Die leaned in to whisper something to Shinya, but the man was back again and Die felt his head being slammed back forcefully into the wall behind him.

The next period of time was awful. Brutal. The man got up behind the blonde and pinned him to the floor before he could even begin to escape. He squirmed, the panic seen in his eyes before was now turned into complete ‘survival’ mode. As much as he tried, his stick-like arms were no match for his captor’s muscles. In one quick movement his shirt was ripped off, showing off how fast and ragged his breathing was as tears sprung to his eyes. “Don’t, please. Anything else.” Shinya begged pitifully.

Nothing was going to stop the events to happen though, as the sight of the blonde’s pale, smooth skin just helped to excite the man even more. “I can’t wait to play dress up with you.” 

Toshiya jumped at the sound of the man actually speaking for once. His voice was menacing and rough. The kind of voice that would make you cautious if you heard it in public. “So you can speak?” Kyo gapped sarcastically from where he sat beside Kaoru.

The question hung in the air for a moment before a waterfall of pleas from Shinya was heard. Then the popping of a button and a zipper being pulled down. The pleas got more desperate as the small blonde tried to get the man's hands off of him, but it was no use. The man was going to have his way with the drummer no matter what he did to try and stop him. Before more words could fall from his mouth he found his pants being torn off, showing off his awfully thin legs. Shinya was sobbing by this point, scared and close to freaking out. “We’re going to have to do something about these. I don’t like fucking a skeleton.” The man announced, gesturing to the blonde’s thighs.

The boxers were then forcibly removed. Forcibly. A whimper came from Shinya as he tried to cover his privates as best as possible. Tears soaked his now bright red cheeks, the humiliation hitting him hard. Bigger hands ripped the small ones off of their resting spot, and put them behind the back of the blonde of which they belonged to. Even though that didn’t matter in the end because Shinya was flipped onto his back anyway. “Stop! Leave him alone! Do whatever you want to me, just leave him alone.” Came a frantic voice.

The collection of wide eyes went to Die who was glaring at the man. Sighing, the man replied with, “My friend has plans for you later.” before continuing to free his erection from his jeans.

The man's eyes seemed to glow as he eagerly took in the entire expanse of Shinya’s lithe body, and reached out to smack the blonde's ass. Of course there was an audience shouting at the man to leave their friend alone, but that didn’t seem to matter because it wasn’t like they could actually stop him. Shinya was his toy for now, and he wanted to play with him.

He loved the look of the pretty male sprawled out in front of him. It all made him want to scar Shinya. Break him until he couldn’t be broken anymore. The first thing he did was roughly shove himself into Shinya’s small entrance. The scream that came after that was blood-curdling, one of true pain and misery. The blonde was in true agony from it that nothing else really registered around him, and he just blacked out right then and there. This made the man angry, causing him to lash out and damage the blonde male’s face with punches, trying in the most unsuccessful way to get him to come back from the breech in reality. This didn’t work, so the man just quickly finished himself off and pulled out. An additional stream of blood poured from Shinya’s entrance, creating a puddle of red liquid around him that just mixed with the cum. The “audience” behind and around them was hiding their faces in their hands trying to block out everything. They couldn’t even begin to fathom how traumatized Shinya would be when he came back to the world. Their captor made a ‘tsk’ sound, and moved the blonde’s limp body back over to his spot and chained him back up. Once that was done, he just walked around, avoiding the mess on the floor, and casually left the room as if nothing had happened.

It took some time, but eventually the others moved to look at each other. Kaoru was slumped against the wall, his face a pasty-looking white. “We’re all going to die if we don’t find a way out of here.” He simply stated.

“Or I’m going to kill this guy.” Kyo snarled from his corner in the room. 

Die looked at Kyo like he was crazy but decided to just keep his mouth shut. Toshiya didn’t add anything to the conversation, but instead had his face in his hands and was breathing heavily. “Toshiya. Keep it together.” The redhead repeated for the third time, this time slightly more sternly. 

If Toshiya wasn’t able to keep it together, none of them would be. However, it was going to be hard to do this because the medication that the black haired male was supposed to take was obviously anywhere near where they were. After a few moments, the only audible noise was a sob that escaped Toshiya, and it was kind of heartbreaking. The whole situation was a heartbreak. If only they could figure out how to get out of there, things might look up. The damage to the drummer was already done, and although he had passed out early on he would still be somewhat broken when they got out. If they got out. “We need to devise an escape plan. Fast.” Kaoru said, surprisingly lucid for just receiving a cruel injury.

“Well, do either of you have any ide-.” Die started before getting cut off by the door opening once again. 

This time was different, though. Instead of their captor from before it was now a shorter guy with pinned up black hair and raven-like eyes. He was carrying a metal chair with something hanging off the side and some straps attached to the arms and legs. The most surprising thing was the gallon of some liquid and a funnel that he was also carrying. He sat it all down in the center of the room where no one could reach it, and started to move things around on the chair. Once he looked like he was done, he peered around the room, scanning. His eyes started slow, predatory, making this whole thing like a game. When his eyes finally stilled they were pointed at Die. The redhead looked genuinely scared for his life, his eyes as wide as they could be. 

The tall male wanted to run for his life when the new captor started making his way toward him, but when he looked down and saw his messed up wrists he knew he would have to practically get them amputated to get the cuffs off. There was another jingling noise, and Die looked up to see the white glint of a shiny silver key. There was almost a spark of hope. Hope that if he could get out of the cuffs then he could fight the man off and get out of there. The issue with that idea was first that he couldn’t fight whatsoever, and second that if he left his friends behind he would most likely never see them again. This kept him from doing anything except for silently obeying when the man forced him up and over to the torturous metal chair. He was so scared and not used to walking that the man almost had to stop and carry him to the destination that was only a mere few steps away. Alas, in the end he got to the chair and was strapped down with the leather buckle-ties. As it turned out, the unknown object was a metal tray attached to the side, and that was pushed up and over, secured tightly right across Die’s stomach. It was pushed so hard that he almost couldn’t breathe, but he barely managed. With the last click, his legs were cuffed at the ankles, and pulled tight against each other. He was secured almost as if he was going on a carnival ride, but so much worse. Tears tried to spring into his eyes, but he reminded himself of what he had reminded Toshiya. Keep it together.


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you read this chapter recently and saw a random note saying something about Die’s awful penmanship, then let me just say that was because my editor likes to put random notes in when they edit, and I forgot to take that one out. Sorry, and thanks for reading.

Die’s arms were shaking and his breathing was heavy. The words, ‘A fear that will free you once you’ve obliterated it’ circling around in his head. 

He tried to calm himself, thinking ‘this man knows nothing about me or what I fear’, and praying to anyone he could fathom that he was correct. The feeling of breath on his neck made him squirm around uncomfortably on the confinement of the cool metal chair. He remembered how he had acted earlier, submissively being led to what he could now testify felt like an end. He wished more than anything that he had tried fighting back. Though, he was smarter than that; he knew that in the end, he wouldn’t get away and that not only would this man do what he intended to, but a consequence would probably be added.

“Stop looking away.” The man suddenly scolded, grabbing Die’s chin and forcing him to look straight into his bloodshot irises.

Unwanted tears forced their way into Die’s eyes and dripped relentlessly down his cheeks at a leisurely pace. When the man removed his hand Die looked away on impulse. This apparently wasn’t acceptable, as the man harshly slapped the redhead’s face back into the general direction of his vision. The man repeated the actions, and more tears fell while Die had to fight back the urge to move his head away from the man’s seemingly never-ending assault. Die’s lip quivered. He felt so humiliated just by the fact that he was crying like a five-year-old in front of his friends and a man that he knew was going to continue hurting and humiliating him. 

He moved as far back into the chair as he could, and tried to just keep it together. A reassuring mantra played through his head, distracting him for a minute or so. It was better to think of other things than what his mind was telling him. The man finally moved away, heading toward a little metal table that matched the chair Die was sitting in. The sound of plastic being shuffled around with other plastic was the only interruption in the tense room. The redhead's breathing was heavy as he waited in rigid apprehension. It looked as if the long tube had been connected to a funnel, causing confusion amongst everyone in the room - save, of course, the man who had orchestrated the entire ordeal.

A white plastic jug was suddenly pulled out, and clouded water splashed around inside it as it pulled onto the table. A giant white bag was pulled over, and its contents, a white powdery substance, were carelessly dumped into the jug using a scooper. The man harshly shook the combination of powder and liquid, and then tightly screwed the top of the tube onto it. The entire contraption ended up looking like some scary thing from a movie, one that not a single person in the room would want to have lived. By this point of time, Die, unlike everyone else, kind of had an idea what was going to happen.

The nightmarish contraption was then sat back down onto the table in a careful manner, and the man sauntered his way back over to Die’s chair. “Before we get started fixing you, let’s get down to the bottom of this fear of yours, shall we?” He said, his words almost sounding as if they were read straight from a script.

“What does that have to with me?” Die asked, his gaze shifting toward the table.

“That’s what we’re about to find out.” The captor replied, a smirk plastered on his face.

Die’s breath caught in his throat as his shirt was ripped off him in the flash of a second. His eyes turned into a mess of frantic panic, and his arms were quick to try and cover his exposed skin. However, his grotesquely thin arms did little to nothing to help conceal his upper body. The sight of bones jutting out in every direction caught the attention of everyone. At this moment his other band members got to see first-hand how malnourished their friend and guitarist was. It was extremely eye-opening. Die needed help. Help quickly. Maybe he could be helped right here right now? 

“Well, I think this is getting a little too serious Die,” The man announced, softly moving his hand across Die’s protruding ribcage and exposed stomach. “I’ll fix you, don’t worry.” 

“I don’t need to be fixed!” He suddenly shouted out.

It was almost as if he’d had this conversation a billion times. Laughter came from the direction of the little metal table, and Die watched in horror as the man pulled a smaller bag out of the huge white one. As Die’s eyes ran across the label a spark went off inside of him. This is what his biggest fear truly was. He finally saw everything in his life as it really was. His fear of food, of repeating his awful childhood, of the torture he put himself through to stay as skinny as functionally possible. It was like a waterfall of trauma and anxiety cascading over him. He shivered at the thought of anything but the life he had created for himself. He didn’t want to relive his past. Needed to not relive that.

Even as the tube was being forced between his lips he fought. Thrashing, clawing, and just downright animalistic flailing as he struggled to break free from his restraints. There was a multitude of tears pouring down his face, and his eyes were bloodshot. Two big hands had somehow found themselves into his mouth, pushing a metal device in between his jaws. Before he could even think about biting down with everything he had, the hands were retreating back into safety, and his jaw was left open like a fish. His frantic eyes turned to his friends, hoping that someone could do something, would do something. None of them were even looking at him though, and he was left to fight this himself. The last idea he could think of was to shake his head vigorously and hope that doing so would make it hard for the tube to remain inserted in his mouth.

Unfortunately, there was nothing for him to do in the end to stop the tube from forcing its way into his mouth. The solution to get him to stop shaking his head came quickly. A metal band was wrapped around his forehead, and another around his neck, but not too tight to deprive him of air to suck through his lungs in a rushed way. The first taste of the liquid was awful. Die hadn’t tasted something so sickeningly sweet since ‘back then.’ His stomach twisted. He would’ve rather done anything other than swallow, but if he didn’t he would have started choking, and that was something that scared him beyond belief. He wasn’t ready to die, so he obediently swallowed. To his misfortune, the liquid was thick and filled him up almost the first second he started to swallow it. The man noticed and tipped the jug down for a second. “Full already? You haven’t even finished an eighth of it yet. That’s okay though, we’ll chase away these hunger pangs together.” The man declared.

The tube found its way back into Die’s mouth, and his fingernails scraped against the metal creating an awful screeching noise. The rest of the band was silent as this ordeal took place. In a way, they thought that it might have been good for Die to learn to eat like a normal human again, but they didn’t know what was keeping him from doing so in the first place. They weren’t aware of the trauma that took place in his past, and the lasting scars that were engraved in his mind due to that. 

As the liquid emptied more of itself into Die’s stomach, he felt like he was going to get sick. The sudden urge to spill all his stomach’s contents onto the concrete beneath him was a strong force. In two seconds flat his stomach had wretched powerfully and he was doing just that. The feeling was awful, and infinitely more humiliating than anything else that had happened so far. The taste left in his mouth was almost enough to throw him off the edge again, but he forced himself to keep it down. The man’s face turned a violent shade of red because Die had just made a big mistake. He had puked all over the man, and it was a nasty sight. The redhead was sweating, and his hair was sticky and wet because of what he had just done. He glanced up to see all his band members staring at him with a sympathetic look (except for Shinya who was still unconscious), but what really caught his attention was the look that his captor was giving him. “You nasty piece of shit.” The man said, his jaw clenched in a menacing sort of way.

 

Die was horrified as he thought about what the man was going to do. The first bit of action that was taken was the man removing his vomit-covered shirt and forcing it into the redhead’s face. There were zero options for Die to try to move away, and he was forced to endure the awful treatment. The worst part about everything was the fact that nothing that happened so far was his fault. It had all transpired because this man was a crazy, sadistic sociopath that just wanted to humiliate and scar Die more than he already was. 

The tee-shirt was pulled away from Die’s face, leaving everyone to see the ‘damage’ that was inflicted upon it. The sound of stomping was heard as the man moved over to where Toshiya sat. He looked down at the black haired male, and a then was crouching down to unlock the binds holding his arms in place. His demeanor changed from infuriated to excited in the span of only seconds. The taller male, however, looked petrified.

The man had to all but pull Toshiya from the ground, and drag him over to where Die was confined. Toshiya’s eyes were filled to the brim with fear, and he could barely move due to intense shivers that wracked his entire form. He cried out as he was shoved from behind by the man and fell ungracefully into the mess in front of Die. There was an instant sting in his nose, and the deep crimson of dripping blood was the most prominent color in his vision when he opened his eyes again. Also, the smell. That awful stomach wrenching smell of vomit put Toshiya’s stomach on edge. He winced and tried pushing himself back up with his arms to only find himself not being able to because of the pressure on his back. Their captor had his leg firmly pushed against the tall man's black shirt, causing any idea of getting up to vanish. He couldn’t even lift his head but an inch off the floor and the smell was getting to him fast. Luckily for him, his nose had bled enough so he didn’t have to be face down in his friends puke, but instead, face down in his own blood. His body shook with a strained sob and his emotions crashed down on him like a big wave. 

When the pressure was suddenly gone he thought that there was a chance that the man had lost interest in him or some absurd thought of the like, but was more horrified at what happened next. The glint of a big silver needle shone in the light, and the breaking of skin and rush of drugs through veins followed. In the matter of a minute, Toshiya was paralyzed to his new home on the ground, and his face was resting in the pool of his scarlet life. 

Die’s bloodshot eyes turned to his captor. Why was he so cruel? What had they done to deserve this? He wanted so badly to ask these questions, but his mouth was still stuck open by the metal device that was stuck in it. When he saw the tube being lifted back off it’s resting spot on the table, and felt the panic from before rising to his throat. Toshiya was right underneath him, and if Die had a repeat of what happened before then the black haired male was going to be the victim of what last happened to his captor. He didn’t want that misery for his friend and felt the urge to fight against the evil man that was forcing him to do this. His body might have been completely out of commission, but his mind wasn’t. He had to try something.

The next time the tube entered his mouth he swallowed just as he had done before, the thick, white solution flowing down his throat. He kept drinking it until he felt his body rejecting it just as it did before. However, this time when it came time for the liquid to come back up he wretched forward but made sure to keep it contained as possible on himself instead of the limp body sprawled out in front of him. To his complete dismay, however, he felt his chair being pushed forward harshly, and a burst of laughter from behind him as he uncontrollably emptied his stomach again for the second time. It wasn’t the putrid smell of stomach acid that made him feel like complete garbage this time, put more of the image of the mess he’d made all over Toshiya.

Tears stung as they slid down his dampened face, and his jaw started aching from being forced into the same position for a prolonged period of time. None of this really registered in his mind, though, due to how drained he felt. He felt completely dead to the world for only a couple seconds before the euphoric bliss of a blank mind was washed away by the feeling of large hands gripping onto his neck. A high-pitched, wheezing gasp escaped his lips, and a hazy feeling slid over the back of his eyes. Sharp ringing erupted into his ears as he struggled in any way possible to get his oxygen back to his lungs. He could feel a cool blackness start to take away colors in inky splotches, and finally, his consciousness faded to the background


End file.
